People say I'm a dreamer...I call it a defense mechanism against life.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

It has been almost a year since I haven't really liked a guy. There have not been any butterflies, or staring at my cellphone waiting for his call. I haven't been on any clouds lately, or waking up with him on my mind. But the funny thing is I am happy, I don't miss that, because I am free from worries and my hapiness is not dependent on anyone's attention.

A year ago I felt frustrated because the guy I had been semi-dating was acting distant and was obviously not taking what we had seriously. With him I had amazing, endless nights, and I lead myself to believe that there could be more to it. We progressively drifted farther appart and I did not see him till about a month ago. He stared at me and I could see he could remember why he had liked me to begin with. Surely two days later I got his call. He wanted to see me, but I said no and it wasn´t hard at all. Then a few weeks later he called me again and this time I did go out with him. We had an amazing time and the sparks were still there. As I left his apartment around 3:30 am I realized I was a changed woman. I could see the relationship for what it was: just casual crazy fun, and nothing else. We could not be more than that because it would simply not work, and I didn't want it any other way. I realized I had idealized him, but he was just an inmature, irresponsible boy, with whom I had fun.

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