People say I'm a dreamer...I call it a defense mechanism against life.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Love, Relationships, etc...

It had been about two weeks since he had last called, and we had gone out. I was beginning to think he had pulled another disapearing act on me. Did I care? Perhaps not as much, but I was still curious to see where the hell he had been. Well as I walked home the other night, I suddenly turned to the window of the chinese restaurant I was passing by, and there he was. He was enjoying a meal with a few of his buddies. I didn't feel like stopping and saying hi. The reason, I was afraid to show too much interest, because everytime I did, it seemed that it made him disappear. So I just kept walking, and just thought: at least he's not with another girl, followed by a quick mental chuckle.
To my surprise, today as I checked my phone for missed calls.....there it was THE CALL. He had called yesterday and I hadn't noticed. So as soon as I left class I called him and casually asked: Hey did you call me yesterday? As it turned out he was across the street and we met up for a quick smoke. He asked me for help with a project and we agreed to meet later that afternoon. Sure enough, he called two hours later and I invited him to my place. So there we were once again. We smoked a cigarette and shared a few hugs and kisses in my terrace as the sun set. It was the perfect moment. To make a long story short after 15 arduous minutes of project related work...we ended up making out followed by sex. This didnt surprise me, but what did was what came after. We layed in my bed for hours talking, but really talking, oh and kissing and yes cuddling. He told me the reason he hadnt called was that he wanted to see if I would call, but gave up. He also told me that we had a funny relationship, but that he liked it. He also told me he had never been in a serious relationship and the idea was mind boggling to him. As he talked I realized how much alike we were, and it was precisely what kept us from having a "real" relationship. But you know what I realized I was happy with what we have. There are people like us who are meant to be exactly what we are to one another and nothing more.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

It has been almost a year since I haven't really liked a guy. There have not been any butterflies, or staring at my cellphone waiting for his call. I haven't been on any clouds lately, or waking up with him on my mind. But the funny thing is I am happy, I don't miss that, because I am free from worries and my hapiness is not dependent on anyone's attention.

A year ago I felt frustrated because the guy I had been semi-dating was acting distant and was obviously not taking what we had seriously. With him I had amazing, endless nights, and I lead myself to believe that there could be more to it. We progressively drifted farther appart and I did not see him till about a month ago. He stared at me and I could see he could remember why he had liked me to begin with. Surely two days later I got his call. He wanted to see me, but I said no and it wasn´t hard at all. Then a few weeks later he called me again and this time I did go out with him. We had an amazing time and the sparks were still there. As I left his apartment around 3:30 am I realized I was a changed woman. I could see the relationship for what it was: just casual crazy fun, and nothing else. We could not be more than that because it would simply not work, and I didn't want it any other way. I realized I had idealized him, but he was just an inmature, irresponsible boy, with whom I had fun.